Cancer and your emotions

You may find it hard to believe that you have cancer when you are first diagnosed. It is common to feel shocked and numb. You may not be able to understand all the information you are given. You may find that you keep asking the same questions.

At first, it can be hard to talk about the cancer. Or you might find it hard to think or talk about anything else. Both reactions are normal. Your mind is trying to process what is happening. These feelings usually get easier over time.

You may be anxious or frightened about whether treatments will work and what will happen in the future. This can be one of the hardest things to cope with. It can help to try to focus on things you can control. You may want to find out more about the cancer, your treatment options and how to manage any side effects. It can also help to talk about your feelings. Try to keep doing the things that are important to you and that you enjoy.

You may feel sad if you have to change your plans because of the cancer, or if your future feels uncertain. Feeling sad is a natural reaction to change or loss. This feeling may come and go during and after your treatment. For most people, these periods of sadness get better. But for some people, the sadness may continue or get worse. If you think the sadness may be turning into depression, there are things you can do to help.

You may cope by trying not to find out much about the cancer. Or you may cope by not talking about it. If you feel like this, tell people that you do not want to talk about it right now. You can also tell your cancer doctor if there are things you do not want to know or talk about yet.

Sometimes, it may be hard to accept that you have cancer. This can stop you making decisions about treatment. If this happens, it is very important to get help from your healthcare team.

You may feel that your family or friends are avoiding you or avoiding talking about the cancer. This is usually because they are also finding it difficult to cope. They may need support too. Try to tell them how this makes you feel. It may help you, your family and friends talk openly about how you are feeling.

You may feel angry about your diagnosis. You may also resent other people for being well. These are normal reactions. They are more likely when you feel frightened, stressed or unwell. You may get angry with your family, friends or partner. Tell them you are angry at your illness and not at them. Finding ways to relax can help with anger. This can include talking about or writing down how you feel, doing gentle exercise, having relaxation therapy or meditating.

You may feel guilty or blame yourself for the cancer. You may want to find reasons for why it has happened to you. Most of the time, it is impossible to know exactly what causes a cancer. Over time, a combination of different risk factors may cause a cancer. Doctors do not fully understand all these factors yet. Try to focus on taking care of yourself and getting the help and support you need.

You may feel guilty that the cancer will affect other people in your life. You may worry that they will find it difficult to cope. Try to tell them how this makes you feel. It may help you, your family and friends to talk openly about how you are feeling.

Joining a self-help or cancer support group can have many benefits, including gaining a sense of community and knowing that you are not alone.

Some people find it helps to write down how they are feeling. Keeping a diary, journal or online blog can be a way of expressing how you feel without having to talk about it.

Tension can often be released by talking to people. Sometimes you may feel like everything is getting too much for you. If you feel this way, try to be kind to yourself.

You might want to try complementary therapies such as massage or yoga.

There are relaxation techniques you can use to help you with stress. These include meditation, yoga, regular physical activity and massages.

Mindfulness is being aware of your thoughts and feelings in the present moment. It uses techniques like meditation, breathing exercises and yoga to help you focus on what is happening at that time. It can help you change the way you think about things. This can help reduce stress and anxiety. We have more information about mindfulness and meditation, and other mind body therapies.

Complementary therapies are used with, or as well as, conventional medical treatments. Complementary therapies do not claim that they can treat or cure cancer. People might use complementary therapies to improve their physical or emotional health. Or they may use them to reduce cancer symptoms or the side effects of cancer treatments.

There are many types of complementary therapies, including yoga, meditation, massage, reflexology and acupuncture.

Some cancer centres and organisations run short courses for people living with or after cancer. Your specialist nurse, cancer doctor or information centre may be able to give you information about courses in your area.

Help to Overcome Problems Effectively (HOPE) is a course to help people after cancer treatment. It was developed by Hope for the Community and Macmillan Cancer Support. This course is run in small groups. It is free and takes place at different locations across the UK.

Macmillan also delivers an online HOPE programme, which is a 6-week self-management course based on an online platform. You can learn more and book onto an online HOPE course.