Caring for others when you have cancer

When you care for someone else, getting support from other people means that you have time to look after your needs and the person you care for.

It is good to involve family or friends if you can. Some people may offer. Other people may be waiting for you to ask. They may not realise how much you do.

This might help you identify people who can help with tasks at certain times of the day. For example, a friend or family member may be able to sit with the person you care for while you have treatment. Someone else could go to your hospital appointment with you.

Other people might be able to help you outside the home by:

• making meals you can freeze
• doing errands
• picking up shopping.

This might be helpful if you are tired or have other physical effects from your cancer or cancer treatment.

It can help to make a list of all the things you need to get done each day. This might include:

• the routine and medications for the person you care for
• appointments that you need to go to.

A rota or shared calendar on your phone can help when you ask people, or they offer. Carers UK has an online and mobile app called Jointly, which you could use to co-ordinate who is doing what. Find out more and download it at jointlyapp.com

Your clinical nurse specialist, key worker and healthcare team can help you find support for the person you care for, and for you.

Communication can be difficult when you are both worried about each other. Listening is just as important as talking.

Talking to the person you care for can be hard. You may worry about how they will react. It can be difficult to talk about cancer.

You may feel guilty about the impact your needs will have on them. They will also be worried about you because you are an important part of their life. They may also be worried about the changes you may have to make to your life, work or finances.

Talking about cancer may help you both feel that you have some control over your situation. It might make you feel you can have difficult conversations.

You do not need to have all the answers, but sometimes it can help you make decisions together. This can make the people close to you feel valued and involved in your care even if they cannot help in practical ways. It can make you both feel less alone.

If you care for someone, you can have a carer’s assessment to see what support may help. Any adult who cares for another adult can arrange one by contacting the adult social services department at your local council. You can telephone or apply online. Search for your local council adult social care services here.

We have more information about support for carers from adult social care.

You may be able to get help with practical tasks at home. There might be benefits you can get. There may be local support groups for carers.

A carer’s assessment can sometimes recommend that someone takes over caring so you can take a break. This is called respite care and can vary depending on your situation. Respite care includes:

• someone who can sit with the person you care for
• care in a day care centre
• a carer coming to the house
• a short stay in a care home.

We have more information about taking a break from caring (respite care).

We want everyone affected by cancer to feel our information is written for them.

We want our information to be as clear as possible. To do this, we try to:

• use plain English
• explain medical words
• use short sentences
• use illustrations to explain text
• structure the information clearly
• make sure important points are clear.

We use gender-inclusive language and talk to our readers as ‘you’ so that everyone feels included. Where clinically necessary we use the terms ‘men’ and ‘women’ or ‘male’ and ‘female’. For example, we do so when talking about parts of the body or mentioning statistics or research about who is affected.

You can read more about how we produce our information here.