The octogenarian is urging others to open-up about their cancer experiences and not live in fear or silence, after she sadly lost other family members and friends to the disease.
Shirley, who arrived in the UK from Jamaica in 1960, plays an active role in her congregation at Chatsworth Baptist Church in West Norwood – supporting church members who have been impacted by cancer, as well as fundraising for Macmillan Cancer Support.
Shirley was inspired to give back to Macmillan after she and her son were supported by the cancer charity.
Shirley: “When my son was diagnosed with cancer, I was on holiday, but I’d been back for a week and he never said a word. Then one evening, he came to dinner and he just said: “Mum, I‘ve got something to tell you. I’ve been diagnosed with lung cancer”.
“He had to go to Chelsea and Westminster Hospital the following morning to see the oncologist and he said: “I don’t want you there, Mum”. But I got there before he did! When he walked in and saw me, he said “what are you doing here??” And I replied: “Well if you think you’re going to go through this on your own, think again!
“When the oncologist confirmed he had lung cancer, I ran out of the room in tears, but a nurse grabbed hold of me and gave me a hug – she said “it’s hard being a mother, but you’ve got to be strong for him”.
“My son underwent chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I remember going to see him one evening and he was laying on the settee and I looked at my child and I thought “he’s not going to live”. And I walked from Clapham Junction to near enough Croydon – the tears were flowing down my face. But I was supported by not just my church family but also friends. Everyone prayed for us and thank God, at the last appointment his oncologist said: “I can’t see any sign of the cancer”.
Every time I talk about it - even now - the tears come. It was six years in April and my son is still here!
“Macmillan was so good to me – I knew needed to do something. To give back something. I spoke to Pastor Richard about hosting a Macmillan Coffee Morning at the church and he was supportive all the way. Grace (one of our congregation) makes Hungarian cake that sold so quickly! Everyone bakes. Pastor Richard’s wife bakes.
“When I worked on the buses, my colleague and really good friend had cancer. His daughter rang to let me know that the Macmillan nurses were encouraging us to call anyone who might want to say goodbye to come now, as he only had a few hours left. I dashed round and the nurses were so so supportive, and it was just amazing. I walked in, called him by his name, and although he couldn’t say anything, he acknowledged me, and his brother told me that it was the first time in a week that my friend had responded to anyone’s voice. My friend was gone within half an hour of me leaving him. He was one of the best friends a person could have.”
Shirley is sharing her own painful cancer experience in effort to encourage more openness in others.
Shirley: “There were other people diagnosed at the same time as my son, other patients we knew, but he’s the only one left. Everyone else is gone.
“Cancer has touched other parts of my life too. My mum, who lived in Jamaica, died in 1987. For years, she was treated for ulcers, but a new doctor diagnosed cancer. She died just 6 months later. I often think, if they had known more about cancer back then, maybe she would have survived longer.
“Often, in our culture, cancer is something we don’t really want to talk about. Very much like this pandemic – there’s a fear about it. I think there’s still people who think if you’re ill, it’s a curse. Traditionally, we’re not open. But I believe cancer is one of the things we need to be open about, because cancer doesn’t respect anyone.
“Within the church community, I want to encourage people to talk about this disease. We chat a lot within the congregation. There are days you feel down. And this condition is serious. But you can pick up the phone and chat. If we can support one another…just to know someone is there to listen, it really does help.
“As an older generation, we don’t talk a lot about the impact of cancer, the trauma, the effect on the whole family. And not everyone has family who they can call on. People gain real strength from having someone they can reach out to, even if it isn’t family.”